If I Die Today

I am driving down the canyon road
steering around the curves
and up and down the hills.
A large rock falls
in front of my car—I swerve!

In avoiding the rock
I hit the railing--
my car flips--
and I plummet
toward the canyon floor.

My heart stops

What are my final thoughts?

It’s been a good life.
No regrets come to mind
and I am filled with contentment.

But I’m anxious.
Where am I going? Upstairs
or the basement?
I’ve been good,
I’ve done right and wrong both but
I’ve always tried to do right. Was it enough?

I think about my purpose.
If it’s going to end like this
why start at all?
Did I make any difference
in the grand scheme of things?

Just a single drop in a vast ocean,
did I make any ripples at all?
Did I affect someone’s life for the better?
And what about my friends, those that I love?
Will I be missed?
That’s all I want to know.

I hear tree branches
clawing against the roof
of my car as I fall.

I was wrong.
I do have regrets.

I do not wish
that I could eat one more hamburger
or watch Star Wars one more time
or retake that one exam that got the D-
or go to Disneyland again.

But I have regrets.
I never got to see my dreams come true
my passions fulfilled
my book published, sitting in Barnes and Noble.
I never told my parents
just how much they really mean to me.
How much I love them.
How I know they’ve done so much for me.
When I said goodbye
to my younger brother, I rolled my eyes
instead of hugging him, instead of telling him
that he is the reason I pushed myself
to be the best person I could be.
I never told my friends
how deeply I truly appreciate them.
How powerfully they impacted my life.
I never told her
just how truly I loved her.

I feel rocks punching through the flimsy roof of my car.