On Thursday, December 22nd, my grandmother passed beyond the azure blue. Since receiving the news, I have thought long and often about the kind of woman that Maw-Maw was, and how best to memorialize the love that she embodied. Although I (Nathan) was unable to attend her memorial in person, I’m honored that my brother Nico was able to read obituary as from both of us at her memorial service.
Who was Maw-Maw?
Joan Tuggle Nicholas, or Maw-Maw to us grandkids, lived a full and loving life on her farm with John Thomas Nicholas (or Paw-Paw). She never achieved greatness in a worldly sense. She made no new scientific discoveries, cured no diseases, affected no cultural movements with treatises or textbooks or novels. For such is folly, a chasing after vapor. Rather, Maw-Maw found it appropriate to eat, drink, and find satisfaction in her toil under the sun and in godly company.
A Bright Star in the Sky
Maw-Maw exemplified both sharp-tongued wit and confident humility. She graduated from college at the age of seventeen; Maw-Maw possessed remarkable intelligence. Having married a scientist, both she and Paw-Paw pursued academic intelligence and biblical understanding with an admirable rigor; a feature that has passed down without fail to their children and grandchildren. With a love of Wheel of Fortune and Phase 10, Maw-Maw’s nimble intelligence was often felt to the chagrin of her competitive grandkids. And though Maw-Maw’s verbosity and capacity to communicate meaningfully were greatly muddled for the past six-ish years, there were still instances of her old wit shining through as she spoke with her daughters or nurses. Truly the words of her mouth and the meditation of her heart were both holy and pleasing. May we, as her heirs, never disregard the pursuit of the knowledge of things both witnessed and unseen.
A Sparrow that Flies
While no particular instance stands out to me as particularly memorable, I recall that as I spent many summers and autumns growing up on my grandparents’ farm, they got into no shortage of arguments with one another. When witnessing such confrontations as a child, I remember often feeling nervous as a sparrow. What I failed to understand at that young age was the nuanced difference between arguing and fighting. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another, and as I do not remember the details of their arguments I can only imagine that often they both gained a deeper understanding of life and love through the process. I do remember that the arguments would often be about very inconsequential matters, but this in itself reveals another deeper truth about my grandparents’ marriage: they felt safe in the other’s presence. Safe to dispute, safe in the knowledge that disagreement is inconsequential in the context of deeper, everlasting love. Trusting forever that they can return to nest and will be greeted with open arms. Blessed, indeed, is the woman that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates upon divine law day and night. It is my prayer that we all can internalize this example from our forebears: that we can discern between fighting and arguing, and that we can lovingly embrace arguments with those that we love in the recognition that it is done in a spirit of love, safety, betterment, and unity.
An Ocean that Never Ran Dry
Perhaps what all will most remember Maw-Maw for is her scrumptious southern cooking. When the whole house was filled with family, there was somehow always ample breakfast, lunch, and dinner - always with leftovers - sometimes for several days or even weeks in a row. As a child, I took this for granted. As an adult, I look back with wonder upon these days and marvel at how she managed it. Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw have four children, four children-in-law, and twelve grandchildren. With twenty-two human mouths to feed, and a handful of canine mouths fed over the years as well, I never once heard Maw-Maw complain. Of a certainty, all of us helped with meal prep at one point or another: harvesting the garden, shucking corn, or peeling potatoes, adding our own recipes to the symphony of flavors. But it was without a doubt Maw-Maw who took the lion’s share of preparing meals. She woke up well before all of the grandkids to go about preparing delicious biscuits, bacon, and “goofy eggs”, my personal favorite. (Over hard, yolk intentionally broken, lots of salt, and some pepper.)
If we as Maw-Maw’s living friends and family only adopt one practice from her life into our own, it is my wish for each of us that we absorb her spirit of selfless service. While we must certainly each take time to maintain our personal wellbeing, may we live into Maw-Maw’s spirit of generous giving. Regardless of the personal inconvenience, may we strive to make the world a better, more welcoming place, with food on the table for any who wish to partake. May we embrace arguing, but leave fighting at the door. May we each and every one of us set aside our pride and humbly embrace serving those in our circles who need care, safety, and provision, even if doing so comes at some personal cost. In essence, may we be as Maw-Maw was.
Now, Maw-Maw has reunited with her mother, her father (whom I never had the pleasure of meeting), her husband, and her savior. Very truly, she has entered the splendor of Heaven.
If we as Maw-Maw’s living friends and family only adopt one practice from her life into our own, it is my wish for each of us that we absorb her spirit of selfless service. While we must certainly each take time to maintain our personal wellbeing, may we live into Maw-Maw’s spirit of generous giving. Regardless of the personal inconvenience, may we strive to make the world a better, more welcoming place, with food on the table for any who wish to partake. May we embrace arguing, but leave fighting at the door. May we each and every one of us set aside our pride and humbly embrace serving those in our circles who need care, safety, and provision, even if doing so comes at some personal cost. In essence, may we be as Maw-Maw was.
Now, Maw-Maw has reunited with her mother, her father (whom I never had the pleasure of meeting), her husband, and her savior. Very truly, she has entered the splendor of Heaven.
